You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
