i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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