I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
