i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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