so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
