I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
