it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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