I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
