WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
