You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
