made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
