btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
