I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
is this the sara with the beer cane?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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