at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
