So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize