Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
