this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
