My hand turned me down
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
