I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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