I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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