Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
