Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize