The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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