how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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