cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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