Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize