I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
