Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
BRING THE BAGELS
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
