Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Let's paint friendship bongs
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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