You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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