ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
