He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
