their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize