Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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