I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
