Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
