So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
