I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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