Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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