that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
