Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
