Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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