Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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