That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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