I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize