I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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