people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
