You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
