It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
