Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
