I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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