She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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