I'm so fucking centered right now
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
