No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
