i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
