my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
