I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His hands were made for my vagina.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
