Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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