is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
