His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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