We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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