babies were throwing up all over the place
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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