Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
