I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
