Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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