Your dad touched me again.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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