Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
