yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
