Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
