I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
