im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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