im drinking this country out of the recession.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
