He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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