no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
