im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Duck Duck Cougar?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
