is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
