College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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