i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
