If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
