when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
