I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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