I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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