I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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