Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
now i know why i became what i already was.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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