She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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