it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize