i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
