Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
