i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
