So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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