I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
