you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There are leaves in my underwear?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
