that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
