i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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