bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
