my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Panties = found
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize