i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
