My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
