I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
