the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
