Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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