Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
