It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
